Finding The Right Pace of Living for 2020
In any moment, we can see, hear, touch, smell, taste and know things as they are. It is not some ideal that are we striving for. Rather it is the rich and multidimensional, multi-textured, kaleidoscopic reality of a momentary experience of being alive -- complex yes and yet so simple that it can be inhabited… If we bring awareness to it.
- Jon Kabat-Zin, Falling Awake
When I returned to Toronto after 10 days in Jamaica, I was not ready to go back to work. It felt like my entire being had changed, shifted, and to enter back into my old routines and old ways of thinking would be counteracting the effect of the trip.
Photo from Unsplash by @jakubkriz
I wanted to stay changed and transformed, not revert back.
The last two weeks of my life have been a dance, a period of navigating between these different modes of being and finding what mode I want to land in. What mode of existence do I want to operate in 2020?
Lessons From My Video Editing Process
Initially, I had given myself the goal of editing all of my Jamaica videos by January 25th. I told myself that I wanted to complete them quickly so that I could move on and dream up other film ideas for the year.
Of course, I still work jobs in the daytime, so my editing hours were relegated to evenings and weekends, which are not my ideal time for doing such detailed work. Evenings and weekends are when my brain craves rest. Plus, there are multiple videos I’m making from the Jamaica footage. The workload is huge, and would easily take me two weeks if I was only doing this full time.
Rather than plowing through my workload in an attempt to work double shifts and finish these edits, I tuned in. After a few challenging days of constantly wanting to edit, but having to work around my jobs, my life, I realized that this is not how I want to live.
I don’t want to squeeze every ounce of productivity out of my days. I want to do the right amount of work for each day, and trust that videos will be completed when they are meant to do.
This is very different from what I told myself I would do, but it is a positive evolution of my thinking and understanding of life.
If I squeeze myself to churn out these edits, inevitably, that energy of squeeze and rush will be baked into the video.
When I am in “get shit done” mode, everything happens faster and tasks do get completed, but the presence is gone. Love does not get baked into the pie.
Thus, I’ve realized that it’s best for me to set an approximate timeline for when I want each video to be completed, and to trust that they will all get done in when they are supposed.
What if the best version of a particular edit, formed in my best state of mind and heart working at a sane and loving space, would be finished in mid-February, instead of late January? Those weeks make a world of difference to my personal sanity and wellbeing.
Bringing this lesson into the entirety of my life, I’m realizing that I don’t want to live this year squeezing projects out of myself. I would rather bake film projects and writing projects in the best methods and timing possible, than rush through things.
It’s a subtle difference that can only be noticed by our sixth sense. It’s the reason why the independent coffee shop always *feels* different from Starbucks. There is an intimacy and personal presence baked into every detail, that is not present at Starbucks’ corporate, efficient mode of operation.
Raising The Right Bar
Of course, I have still raised my bar for the year, in terms of what I want to dream up, execute, and publish, but most importantly, I have raised the bar for my quality of being.
Last year, you could say that I treated myself a bit like a racehorse who hadn’t run in years. I got her up and running, doing sprints and drills. Now that she’s back in action, I am looking ahead to years 3 and 4. How can I keep her progressing over the long run? What does she need to thrive and operate at the highest level over a decade? What small, incremental adjustments can I make that will make a difference two or three years from now?
Last year, I pushed myself to get results. I wanted to see what I was capable of, and I did. The side effect, however, was that I had accelerated myself so fast, that I could control the vehicle anymore. I didn’t know how to since I had never driven that fast. There were a few times in the year, where I felt like my physical and mental systems were speeding ahead of myself, and it took me three or four weeks to slow down and find my center again. This added up to two or three months where I was unsteady.
I require space to dream, to rest, to play, to adventure. To just be human, instead of a creativity machine. This year, I’m making sure that I give this to myself.
In any moment, the, we might actually come in touch with our own wholeness, our own beauty, beyond name and form, beyond appearance, beyond liking and disliking, beyond good and bad. Here, and only hear, is peace to be found. Here, and only here, can we contribute our wisdom, our energies, and our love to those we love and to the world.
- Jon Kabat-Zin, Falling Awake
I’m starting off this year finding the right pace, instead of just running to catch up with last year’s pace. I’ve taken my goals of churning out my Jamaica videos as fast as possible, and I’m going to let it play out. This means giving myself time to simmer in a particular edit, instead of push it out when it’s 80% there. (There are some things that I’m ok with publishing at 80%, but other things demand depth. Excellence.)
This is a video, that I did give myself extra time to watch and take it fully. It shapeshifted and became something better in the space. I hope you enjoy it! :) Feel free to let me know what you think!
